Longing is a feeling not easily articulated, but let me try anyway.
It is an ache that grips your entire being. It is wanting but never getting. It is a desperation for something, anything. The littlest desire feels like a confession to yourself. It feels like a personal failure. How can you be content with so little? How can you want something so much?
At the age of 19, I have never gone on a date, never been with a boy, and I’ve certainly never been in a relationship. All these years of longing have coalesced into a great desire for the kind of love portrayed in the media I live vicariously through—sappy rom-com films, cheesy romance books, and tender love songs.
However, fixating on romantic love has sometimes blinded me to the love already present in my life. All this outpouring of energy into romantic love has inhibited me from pouring it onto myself, or the people around me. I’ve come to realize that the love I receive from my friends, my family, my community, and especially myself is more than enough.
The affection and joy that I receive from my friends and family elevate my standards for love. I’ve experienced the depth of genuine love, so I refuse to settle for anything half-hearted. My friendships are so beautiful and fulfilling that I can’t stomach the idea of “situationships” or “talking stages” with boys who can’t give me half the love I already receive, half the love I deserve. I love myself the way I want to be loved, and I extend the same gesture to the people in my life.
Besides, why dwell on a distant love when I can simply look around and feel content with its already abundant presence? As Amy Schmidt wrote in Abundance, “Look around: you have more than enough. Always have.”
The love I long for will come when it’s meant to come, but until then, I will shower all my love upon my friends, my family, and most importantly, myself. I won’t allow my anticipation for something in the future—something that’s not here yet—to blind me to the love and beauty already present in my life, and you shouldn’t as well.
As I end this piece, I leave you with a task. I encourage you to continue it not just today, but as long as you can. I want you to take a look at your life and make an effort to recognize and appreciate the love present in it, no matter how big or small. Cherish those moments and amplify them. Put more love, any kind of love, out into the world.
Lastly, in our longing for and pursuit of romantic love, let us not overlook the most important love and relationship we’ll have throughout our lives: the one with ourselves.
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