7 years (including 2 gap years) and 3 countries later, I’ve finally reached the end of my high school track. I gained irreplaceable memories and lessons that cannot be learned within the confines of a classroom—including something they don’t tell you about when moving to a completely new country. We’ve heard all about the homesickness, budgeting, paperwork, and the likes. These are essential matters, but they have one common factor that is seldom talked about. A factor that truly lets you know what it means to question yourself.
My high school years consisted of living alone in Malaysia, being fostered in New Zealand, then finally coming back to the Philippines to finish. While I am grateful to have that experience in my belt, I wish someone had told me how much your will would be tested—pushed to its extremes. The factor of how much you’d question your own capabilities and resolve.
If you’ve ever heard someone say “I found myself abroad,” oftentimes it means they found how to unlock their potential and discovered just how big it can be. Before one can say that though, they had to chip away at school applications and visa requirements, calculate the financial toll, worry about leaving family behind, and sort everything they need. At that point, your determination is already being tested. You do it despite how rigorous the process may be, and that is when you may ask the first question, “Why am I doing this?” There is no one else who can answer this but you. No matter what the reason may be, if you decide to push through the initial challenges because you’re holding out hope in making your answer a reality, then you’ve already become a better version of yourself. After that, you will find yourself encountering all kinds of questions and challenges. It’ll be up to you to handle them in stride or defeat.
When you finally find yourself settled and happy in the country you want to be, your subconscious will ask, “What’s next?” In fact, this question is asked almost every second of your life. The reply can be as trivial as doing the dishes, or as big as a decision your future depends on. But I’m not here to dictate what you should do next, nor am I here to answer any other questions you may face. Instead, I am here to offer advice on how you can make it easier to answer them because only you know your mind best.
Your mindset is the key to your dreams and these swarming questions. Successful people do not have a defeatist attitude. Indeed, accepting failure easily differs from accepting failure to use it as a stepping stone.
When I was traveling back and forth from Singapore to Malaysia every day just to attend school, I almost gave up. The hours were long, immigration was tough, transportation was crowded, and I was alone at 13. I was often told how strong and brave I was, but it was only myself who asked, “Can I keep doing this?” “No, I can’t.”
Sometimes, you’ll have to accept answers that oppose what you expect. You’ll have to accept failure—that is what makes you strong and brave. Because, after I had allowed myself to grieve over it, I faced the situation and found a better solution for myself. For the years after that, I would persevere by house hopping with friends or families who were willing to help. You too will encounter various obstacles that require a flexible mindset to weave between solutions that normal straightforward thinking doesn’t allow.
That leads to another point, “Who can I ask for help?” When you are in a sticky situation, you don’t always need to shoulder the issue alone. You cannot let your mindset spiral down with thinking that it’s hard, it’s over, no one can help me, I’m alone.
You don’t have to be alone anymore. You may have family and even friends from where you came from, but who can you ask for help where you currently live? Network, network, network. Networking is the act of building connections with all kinds of people. Making friends. Although occasionally, the people in your network may not be considered your friend. However, this does not imply that the relationships are ingenuine. It just means they could help at a certain point, so it’s important to keep them in your book. Others may not have the same as you, but they can understand, sympathize, and at best help. The ability to make friends varies from person to person. If you’re someone who prefers to keep to themselves, that’s alright. I am only suggesting that for this question. Try putting yourself out there. There is no doubt that it is important to build relationships wherever you go.
Finally, let’s address the fear of moving. You might find yourself asking the deadly “What if?” Fear is your signifier. It signifies the importance of the circumstance. But you cannot let it consume you. Your mindset needs to keep you going, not to succumb to a “What if?” Moving is one of the biggest changes a person can experience, so it’s best to be resolute when going through with it.
Of course, all of this advice applies not just for going abroad, but for whatever walk of life you are in. After all, moving abroad is not the only event that tests your mental limits. What I shared today were just words I wished someone had told me back then. This is a way of thinking that I had developed (and still developing) while growing up. In a problem, I can positively affirm to myself that I have the power of passion and perseverance. Especially as a student, there are many difficult situations we encounter, like wanting to give up when you’re swamped with requirements or feeling like your purpose is gone. Remind yourself that you embody grit, remind yourself of what your goals are—no matter how trivial. These reminders always plant the best seeds in your mind, growing and shaping you into a resolute person.
Determination, acceptance, motivation, confidence, and courage. These are assets that are already contained within you. All you have to do is believe in the power of your mind.
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