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Writer's pictureJina Lee

Living with Narcissists: The Traps We Fall Into and How to Avoid Them

The term narcissism is widely used nowadays. People easily label each other as narcissists; for instance, the lyric "Narcissistic / My god, I love it" from the song LOVE DIVE by IVE makes people forget how scary actual narcissism is. According to Prof. Kim Kyung Il, the number one type of person to avoid is surprisingly not a psychopath nor a sociopath but a narcissist. Some people believe that narcissism is simply excessive love for oneself characterized by great pride and ego, but true narcissism is much more than just adoring oneself.

Narcissism is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, a set of troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. It is part of the "dark triad" in psychology along with psychopathy and Machiavellianism; however, narcissism is much more dangerous than those. For psychopaths and sociopaths alike, they are most likely to commit a crime if they are exposed to those characteristic traits. For narcissists, they have the ability to stop their tendencies at the right time, right below the limit that's considered a crime, causing them to live with us in our daily lives without isolation. Because of this, it is easier for them to mislead us, which is why we should be aware of their existence in our social environment.

Narcissistic people only harbor emotions toward themselves. They do not have the ability to understand the emotions of others, even if you try ranting about what you are going through or your mental breakdowns. If you ever fight with them, you will notice that you cannot continue your argument because they cannot sympathize with a single thing you are saying. They view everyone they have a conflict with as vile and vicious, so once you make a bad impression on them, they will agitate public opinion to make you look bad.

There are some ways to distinguish narcissists. Firstly, they have a false inner world. They try their best to resist natural emotions like embarrassment, shame, and sadness. Secondly, in times when we feel shame and embarrassment, they show extreme reactions like being enraged. It's normal and honest for people to say, "I'm sorry these things happened. I'm ashamed." That is not the case for narcissists as they believe that these are either excuses for losers or an inescapable confession.

There are other reasons why you need to avoid narcissists, especially in your workspace or group works. Narcissists desire for you to perform badly and be inferior to them. They consider it a risk to their positions if others succeed. We often feel jealous when someone we know becomes successful, but that is a different matter to them. Even if the success of someone has nothing to do with them, they feel like it was stolen from them. Their sense of pleasure comes when they see someone fail, so they do everything they can to halt the progress of others. You may think that narcissists are not common in your environment, but the traits are to be shown mildly through the inability to relate to, understand, and comprehend certain emotions. If you have ever seen someone like this — someone who would rather die than say the two words "I’m sorry," or someone who gets paranoid and terrorized over the slightest things and actions — BE CAREFUL. Who knows, they might be a narcissist who would ruin your life by manipulating the crowd.

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