"We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are." – Anaïs Nin
The new year carefully tiptoes its way into the room, the same room where New Year’s Eve parties of splendor and countdowns are eagerly anticipated. With everyone still soaking up the lingering remnants left behind by our Christmas festivities, the thought of what’s to come quickly slips our minds. In the blink of an eye, we’re in for another year surrounded by the ones we love, with so many more days to create, experience, and mold our lives into the way we want it to be.
Said chances to create, experience, and mold our lives in the impending year are largely influenced by our introspection and self-reflection of the previous one; looking back at what was achieved, and what wasn’t. A rite of passage to the new year is making resolutions and establishing new routines. This new set of 365 days offers a fresh start and new opportunities to make changes, while also releasing us from the shackles of the past, regardless of whether it was good or bad.
Maintaining a healthier lifestyle, sticking to a stricter budget, and discovering a new-found passion, are just a few of the vast sea of resolutions repeated year, after year, after year. We’re all humans at the end of the day, we strive to look for potholes in our lives, patch them up, and be able to witness the fruit of our labor in all its glory. Albeit upon reflection, we fail ourselves and never actually accomplish them. Think about it. As you reflect on your past lists of resolutions, you begin to notice the same pattern each year. At most a handful of them have actually been accomplished by the year’s end, with the rest being left in the dust by February, essentially being rendered useless and futile.
However, we fail to realize that oftentimes, we are our own worst critics. We write these resolutions, thinking that we’re not on par with the gorgeous and fit girls on social media, the model students excelling at their extracurriculars, even just those friends who are carefree and seem to charm everyone they surround themselves with. Once the awareness hits and the thought of you not being able to be on their level of beauty or aptitude no matter how hard you try digs deeper into your mind, it’s a never ending battle with yourself. Though some use this opportunity as a launchpad to kick off their self-improvement journey, that isn’t the case for the majority. The thoughts that riddle our minds after comparing ourselves to others can be detrimental, but once we tap into changing the way we think, and learn to accept ourselves, our lives change too.
What are beliefs? Beliefs are thoughts and ideas we assume and believe to be true. Beliefs are established over the course of our lives. Beliefs are built on the assumptions and influence of our personal experiences, and our reactions to them.
Words are incredibly sacred and important. Our fundamental beliefs form in our early years, with our family’s perspective and attitude towards certain subjects being the building blocks of our own belief system, helping us mold and form ideas and thoughts of our own as we mature. They can range from positive (empowering, optimistic), to negative (bashful, demotivating), and everything in between. Once they’ve been introduced to us, they slowly become ingrained into our minds and dig deeper the more we are exposed to them without question. Soon they become our dominant thoughts— like a record playing on loop in the back of our minds.
But we don’t even realize that it’s playing on loop. The more we give credence to a certain thing, the more we believe it, hardening into a “truth” we ultimately give in to.
Let’s say you have a best friend. She’s as pretty as a picture and captivates everyone in the room with her. Not only that, but she’s also a social butterfly and has lots of other friends. You, on the other hand, are not as attractive as she is and not as outgoing either. While she is getting all these compliments regarding her looks and personality, you get the short end of the stick, all the negative comments deflecting onto you.
“I don’t even know why she’s friends with you.” “You’re not even pretty let alone compared to her.” “Can you speak up more like her? Maybe then people will actually like you.” — amongst many others. Throughout the entire timeline of your friendship with her, you were subjected to these types of comments. In the beginning you were unfazed and shot back at everyone that had things to say, but gradually over time you ceased, and the comments started getting to you more and more.
This leads to you carrying these assumptions of yourself everywhere. Someone makes an attempt to befriend you? They're just using me to get to her. No one wants to be my friend if I'm this quiet and untalkative. Someone compliments you? They’re lying. Why would they talk to someone ugly like me?
Negative beliefs self-sustain all throughout life, with us as the magnet attracting them. We manage to find every bit of information and evidence in situations that support these beliefs, whilst repelling the information that contradicts them. This never ending cycle locks people in, making it difficult to accept positive information.
As seen in the example, these negative thoughts bring about nothing good and only diminish our self-worth. We give up on what we truly wish for, to avoid danger and settle for the expected. But why would you let yourself get beaten up? Why would you stop believing in yourself because others don’t?
What is a mindset? Mindsets are the culmination of one’s belief system. Mindsets are the cultivation of all existing beliefs. Mindsets are adopted by us and used to help us approach various areas of our lives.
Think as if all your attitudes, beliefs, and emotions huddled together to form this one colossal way of thinking.
How do I change? Remember, every action starts with a decision, and every decision starts with a belief. These beliefs act as a launching pad for our motivation to carry out a certain action, and dictate the decisions we make. To change your beliefs and mindset, you need to abandon the old you. Abandon the old habits, old thoughts, old reactions, and introduce the new— flip and reconstruct your thoughts. From “I’m worthless to “I’m worthy of every good thing in my life!” or “I’m terrible at everything” to “I’m perfect at everything!”
Though unrealistic, at the end of the day, these are the thoughts that you can create for yourself. Life is your canvas, and you’re simply the painter. No one is obligated to agree with you, nor should you take their opinions into consideration. This is about you, and only you can dictate your life. Conditioning yourself to repeat these affirmations the instant a brooding feeling of a negative thought clouds your judgment, will gradually change your inner writing, and ultimately your perception of yourself.
Do not lose sight of who you are striving to be, and allow yourself to grow and heal from wounds of the past. If it wasn’t said by you then it isn’t true!
With all this information on hand, I hope this year will be the year you decide to change for good. I hope this year is kind to you. And I hope that this year, you’re kind to yourself. You deserve every good thing that comes your way.
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