Ever stumbled upon a sheer moment of silence, questioning if the other person is how they say they are? Faithful certainty and intuition can only do so much; deciding whether or not the person you care about is being honest about how they are doing is a tough position to be in. We wouldn’t want to make a wild guess or plain assumption. Authenticity really gets mixed up in the process; how do we ensure that it is not just a “cultural norm” but a bona fide concern?
As we’ve been told, cultural norms are the standards we live by, and asking “how are you” has become a given. Cultural norms dictate that a single, short answer like “fine” or “okay” is a good enough response. But in all transparency, is it really? Unless you’re not interested in checking up on a person at all, I’d like to think of it as nowhere near enough. For you to even strike a conversation means you want to chat or get to know someone. While a person may not open up to you from the get go, I think that, if a person feels they want to be heard even just a little bit; answering a simple yet important question could really help.
Whether it be in person or over the phone, a person’s intent to ask and answer “how are you” could differ; though I think it is more about the reason rather than who is asking or what you answer. If this person is close to you or not, is there even a need to express so much? There is certainly a contradiction between not giving such a dry or short answer and allowing yourself to change the price of how much it costs to access you.
Nicole Lyons, a force of nature disguised as a writer, once said, “The deepest pain I ever felt was denying my own feelings to make everyone else comfortable.” She couldn’t be more helpful by voicing this out. The biggest factor of it all, access and expressiveness, can do some real damage to your way of responding to a simple “how are you”, but it is nothing compared to telling the answer to yourself first, before anybody else. Ask yourself how you are and see the answer you could get from you and your thoughts alone.
It’s not easy, I know. I find it hard myself saying something rather than nothing; even when it’s our loved ones we are speaking to. Nonetheless, it is so important to be honest with not just how we feel, but what we think, want, and so much more. Using our voice for its purpose is more likely to benefit us in the long run. If our voices were to be heard, it would mean or go along with our feelings, thoughts, etc. finally being expressed honestly.
So with the next “how are you” you receive or ask, on- or offline, I could only hope for you to have pondered while reading this despite the many difficult and complex factors of speaking our honest words and expressing our real wandering thoughts. With that pondering, expound on it, though not overthinking it. Let it rejuvenate you, and use it for your own betterment. A person can ask you “how are you” over and over again, and you could do the same. But, if you’re not willing to respond and ask that question, there’s no use. There’d simply be no point in asking, if it is only going to be a silent answer.
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